Tag Archives: Love

Finding the needle in the haystack

*I hope this is the only time happens, but I had to go through this thing and update a lot of it. Sorry about that. The pen is mightier than the sword, but in the hands of tired eyes the keyboard can seemingly run away with a bulldozer before you know what has happened.*

There’s only a few times in life that we actually find something worth holding on to, and rarely do we actually try hard to protect what we’ve found because we’ve become blind to how good life really is, especially when it’s good. You never know what you had until it’s gone. I agree with this, though I have learned that possess something that cannot be taken away because of a break-up: me. I will always have myself. Yes, I am talking about relationships, but don’t worry, it’s not all that bad. Yeah, breakups suck, especially when you’ve become fixated on being with one person and you’ve decided you’d do anything for them just to show how much you actually do care. You can’t stop other people from making their choices, but you can try to be better for yourself regardless of their choices. I disagree with people that tell me “I think you need to be ok being alone.” They usually tell me that in between their makeout sessions with their boyfriends. I find it ironic, really. I’d like to tell them to breakup with their boyfriends, be ok with it and after a year decide whether or not they want a relationship. Funny how people change their ideas when the boot is on the other foot. Of course, I wouldn’t tell them that, simply because I hate the idea of breakups and I think people should just work their issues out together, because in the long run that would make a much stronger bond in the relationship. Think of it this way: what would have happened had Peeta decided to throw in the towel when Katniss wasn’t very accepting of his kindnesses? I mean, Peeta could have just killed her, won the game and been done with it. Right? Or maybe an even better, would the ring had ever been destroyed if Samwise just told Frodo he was done with the drama and given up on him? I mean, Frodo was REALLY hard on Sam for a while there. In the end, the ring was destroyed not because of Frodo alone, but because of Samwise’s commitment to the journey, because he knew what the result of his perseverance would be, and it wasn’t to glorify himself either. Samwise stuck it out, and helped even when Frodo was anything but pleasant.

Ok, I know what you’re thinking “But you’ve been divorced, how can you be against breakups and be so strongly for people working through their issues together?”

Yeah, I know. Seems hypocritical. But it’s not, it’s actually the basis for my argument, and it’s a damn good argument, too. Let’s start from the beginning, shall we? God made Adam. Adam was lonely (before there were women, so don’t give me the line “he was lonely because he saw Even and wanted to be with her.” Bologna!). God, seeing Adam was alone and that it was not good for him to be alone, made him a helpmate: a woman named Eve. Then they made some choices, got into trouble, were ashamed…the usual weekend stuff. Ok, even if you don’t believe the Bible, come on, are you going to argue the logic?
So to sum it up: God made Adam, God saw Adam needed a woman, Eve was created. Created because Adam had a need. Interesting that God would design us to be relationship creatures, yet so many of us decide that what’s more important is myself.

But that’s a whole different topic…me, me, me. Mine, mine, mine. I want, I want I want. It’s what all the cool kids are saying these days, aren’t they? Self glorification. Self idolization. Self salvation. It’s all rubbish.

From this we understand that God created relationships, in fact, He designed people to have a relationship with Him. Also, before the apple was consumed people (all 2 of them) were without sin, and even without sin Adam needed Eve. Adam….needed….Eve. Are you guys getting this???

This isn’t my argument for me being in a relationship, let’s just make this perfectly clear. This is an argument to those who tell you “you need to be ok with yourself alone” while they are in a relationship, which to me seems ultra-hypocritical. Just saying. Neither, however, am I saying “get in a relationship!” What I’m trying to say is, if you’re in a relationship, work on your issues. Bring them to God, together. Work them out, become the strong bond that most couples only hope to achieve.

Going back to the whole divorce thing…it takes two to tango, as my dad always said. Even though he doesn’t tango. Or dance at all.
It takes two people to work on their issues, their problems, their worries, their concerns, their relationship. Why? Because a relationship between two people goes deeper than the skin, it goes deeper than emotions, and it goes deeper than the memories. What you create together is a bond between the spirits. When that bond is broken there is a great loss, because we were designed to be in a relationship. It’s not terribly complicated. People say “oh, I didn’t work out with him because our personalities were conflicting” or “she just didn’t have that spark that she once had, it was like she just didn’t make me feel good anymore”. I call bullshit! Conflicting personalities? What were you attracted to in the beginning? That spark? Of course that goes away a little after a while, it’s called being an imperfect human and dealing with each other’s shit!

Ok, I’ll get off the soap box now. But just so you know, the next time someone confides to you “I think I want to breakup with her/him” don’t take advantage of the situation like many lazy, slack-jawed idiots. Just remind them that they were created for a relationship, that working it out has a much greater outcome than running away, and that it’s truly a blessing to realize what they have before it’s too late.
And the congregation said amen.

~B

I want you – original lyrics, work in progress

you came home last night again, smelling like another man’s world

I’ve been here waiting since you left, and it seems like I’m waiting still

you won’t look me in the eyes, guess i know the reason why

when you talk you talk small, but that isn’t the worse of it all

.

I want you, I want you

nothing more in this world, I want you

I want you deep in my arms with your beautiful smile

I want you

.

everything I held deep inside, all my fears and my pride

I gave to you in the light, in hopes that someone would understand

but I was wrong and now every night, I’ll be screaming your name on the inside

tearing me open, on the inside

.

I wanted you, I wanted you

nothing more in the world, I wanted you

I wanted you deep in my heart with your beautiful mind

I wanted you

but you decided you wouldn’t want me

.

these original lyrics by Brian G. Jacobs, 2013

no permission to reproduce these lyrics is expressed unless when allowed by Brian G. Jacobs

The Rose – Original lyrics, work in progress

Girl let that rose, grow in the land, I just want, to hold your hand

Will you be mine, forever? I just want, for us to be together

.

I will never leave, I will always love you

Even in the dark, I will always hold you

Even if the danger comes, I will always fight for you

When it’s time to go I will still love you…

.

Everyday I, wake to your face, I’ll count my blessings, in our homey place

We’ll spend a lifetime, doing many things, And its of you, that my heart sings

.

I will never leave, I will always love you

Even in the dark, I will always hold you

Even if the danger comes, I will always fight for you

When it’s time to go I will still love you…

.

Girl put them flowers, down on the stone, And go back to, the place we called home

Call our friends and, family my love, And don’t cry because, I’ll be watching you from above

.

I will never leave, I will always love you

Even in the dark, I will always hold you

Even if the danger comes, I will always fight for you

When it’s time to go I will still love you…

these original lyrics by Brian G. Jacobs, 2013

no permission to reproduce these lyrics is expressed unless when allowed by Brian G. Jacobs

Everything – Original lyrics, work in progress

everything that you thought you were fighting for, is lying naked with him on the floor
all your emotions and every tear, only validate your simple fears

well, don’t give up, and don’t give in,

this life will turn out right, in the end.

and don’t give up, no, don’t fall in,

that grave is deeper than you think, my friend.

everything she said to never fear, is looking back at her now, my “dear”
how can she deny when I know, all the dirty seeds that she’s sown

well, don’t give up, and don’t give in

this life will turn out right, in the end

don’t give up, no, don’t fall in

that grave is deeper than you think, my friend

and every day must become night,

and every night will come to an end,

it’s hard to forget the pain,

when she was your everything

these original lyrics by Brian G. Jacobs, 2013

no permission to reproduce these lyrics is expressed unless when allowed by Brian G. Jacobs

As the ocean’s tide

There are moments in a life when we realize that things have changed. The tides of rage and love have risen or fallen, taking with them the memories of our times with the people we cherish and hate, sometimes burying them deep into the dark, sometimes bringing them to the light of day. Like the winds of a hurricane we feed into the anger with our jealousy, doubt, fear. We wonder why when everything around us is crashing to the ground. And then it hits us.

Realization.

Then, at that moment, we know the truth. We understand why the ocean’s tide moves. We have gained insight, and it becomes apparent: the situation sucks. We withdraw, we lash out, we run away, we shut up, we don’t know what to do, we know exactly what we want to say but say nothing at all.  For no reason, but with plenty of reason. The emotion sickness has consumed us, and we are very sick.

Action.

But how do we get out of the negativity? How do we change the situation? Sometimes there isn’t a good answer. I think the best way to approach this is a desire to change the situation. Of course, we can’t change other people, but, we can impress on them a different point of view of ourselves. So in essence, we can change the world around us, through hard work, determination, and commitment and the willingness to change ourselves. I believe it was Ghandi that said “we must be the change we wish to see in the world.” Obviously, his view was for a much larger portion of the world, but I believe this is perfect for the smaller portions of the world that we all arrive in daily.

Be the change.

Dropping a negative view can be one of the most difficult things to do. It’s a habit. A very negative habit. The habit of constantly being negative due to fears, or at least due to the effects of deeply rooted and possibly hidden fear, just seems to draw on and empty our energies, both physical and emotional. It also empties the energies of those we care about and love which sends relationships into spirals, deepens fears, creates drama….etc, etc, etc. But it’s simply a habit. It was made, it can be broken!

Break the cycle. 

 

Fear and Love

Okay, let’s get something straight here, I’m not in any way a well learned man. I do not have a PHD or training in psychology. I’m going to say what I think is right and you can take it or leave it, ok?

Ok.

There are many things in life that can take control of our lives, if we let them. Things, like, bad things. Bad things that want to destroy us. Bad things like negativity either from one’s self or from others, which eventually, becomes a poor self image, then depression, and possibly even worse. Situations in our lives that generate fear plant seeds of doubt in our minds and our hearts. Those seeds grow non-stop in all directions of the heart and all directions of the mind. It eats at our everything. Our base. Our cornerstone and our foundations. Our values become compromised when we give in to doubt and to fear. We find situations that sound like a great idea, even if we know deep down it’s only a temporary good feeling with a lasting consequence. When those one-off good feeling situations become annoying or burdensome, we find ourselves ensnared by emotion.
Emotions are good, this is true, and universally understandable. The language of the heart, I guess. But even a universal language can have it’s faults. For instance, emotions are very deceptive. Deception is a mode of fear which is a propellant of control. Control is destructive, unless it’s self control. I’m talking about other people/things/situations we allow to control us! There are many things in life that are destructive, but there are also things that are positive, constructive and helpful. If you have anything in your life that is destructive, be cautious! It only takes a second to make a poor decision, but it will cost you a lifetime of regret.

Think about the destructive things in your life. The bad things. The things that hurt you, are critical of you, lie to you, don’t take your word at face value, and aren’t patient with you. These bad things are usually found in most relationships to some degree and for some amount of time and can be triggered by a LOT of different reasons. If you are in a relationship with a negative, selfish, or destructive person just be patient with them. Show them love and acceptance for who they are. They are most likely not trying to be directly negative towards you or targeting you on purpose. There may be, and probably are, multiple reasons why someone would act/speak negatively towards someone that they love when it’s the furthest thing from their mind.
I used to be a negative person. I knew I would not be able to start a relationship with someone if I had such an unpleasent view of the world, and especially of myself. I started to work on my negativity and my poor self esteem before I met her, but, my girlfriend has helped me overcome a lot of my negative traits by loving and accepting me as I am.

I find that this is, by my lovely girlfriend’s wonderful example, a good way to deal with someone who is negative. Love and be loved. Isn’t that, after all, one of life’s greatest achievements, if not THE greatest achievement?

So, in conclusion, I believe it is possible to overcome your fears, doubts, poor self image, and depression simply by loving others and allowing other people to love us back. Talk with someone about negativity, don’t let the doubts and fears irritate you any longer.

Be positive. Be love. Be the change.

~B