Tag Archives: boyfriend

Finding the needle in the haystack

*I hope this is the only time happens, but I had to go through this thing and update a lot of it. Sorry about that. The pen is mightier than the sword, but in the hands of tired eyes the keyboard can seemingly run away with a bulldozer before you know what has happened.*

There’s only a few times in life that we actually find something worth holding on to, and rarely do we actually try hard to protect what we’ve found because we’ve become blind to how good life really is, especially when it’s good. You never know what you had until it’s gone. I agree with this, though I have learned that possess something that cannot be taken away because of a break-up: me. I will always have myself. Yes, I am talking about relationships, but don’t worry, it’s not all that bad. Yeah, breakups suck, especially when you’ve become fixated on being with one person and you’ve decided you’d do anything for them just to show how much you actually do care. You can’t stop other people from making their choices, but you can try to be better for yourself regardless of their choices. I disagree with people that tell me “I think you need to be ok being alone.” They usually tell me that in between their makeout sessions with their boyfriends. I find it ironic, really. I’d like to tell them to breakup with their boyfriends, be ok with it and after a year decide whether or not they want a relationship. Funny how people change their ideas when the boot is on the other foot. Of course, I wouldn’t tell them that, simply because I hate the idea of breakups and I think people should just work their issues out together, because in the long run that would make a much stronger bond in the relationship. Think of it this way: what would have happened had Peeta decided to throw in the towel when Katniss wasn’t very accepting of his kindnesses? I mean, Peeta could have just killed her, won the game and been done with it. Right? Or maybe an even better, would the ring had ever been destroyed if Samwise just told Frodo he was done with the drama and given up on him? I mean, Frodo was REALLY hard on Sam for a while there. In the end, the ring was destroyed not because of Frodo alone, but because of Samwise’s commitment to the journey, because he knew what the result of his perseverance would be, and it wasn’t to glorify himself either. Samwise stuck it out, and helped even when Frodo was anything but pleasant.

Ok, I know what you’re thinking “But you’ve been divorced, how can you be against breakups and be so strongly for people working through their issues together?”

Yeah, I know. Seems hypocritical. But it’s not, it’s actually the basis for my argument, and it’s a damn good argument, too. Let’s start from the beginning, shall we? God made Adam. Adam was lonely (before there were women, so don’t give me the line “he was lonely because he saw Even and wanted to be with her.” Bologna!). God, seeing Adam was alone and that it was not good for him to be alone, made him a helpmate: a woman named Eve. Then they made some choices, got into trouble, were ashamed…the usual weekend stuff. Ok, even if you don’t believe the Bible, come on, are you going to argue the logic?
So to sum it up: God made Adam, God saw Adam needed a woman, Eve was created. Created because Adam had a need. Interesting that God would design us to be relationship creatures, yet so many of us decide that what’s more important is myself.

But that’s a whole different topic…me, me, me. Mine, mine, mine. I want, I want I want. It’s what all the cool kids are saying these days, aren’t they? Self glorification. Self idolization. Self salvation. It’s all rubbish.

From this we understand that God created relationships, in fact, He designed people to have a relationship with Him. Also, before the apple was consumed people (all 2 of them) were without sin, and even without sin Adam needed Eve. Adam….needed….Eve. Are you guys getting this???

This isn’t my argument for me being in a relationship, let’s just make this perfectly clear. This is an argument to those who tell you “you need to be ok with yourself alone” while they are in a relationship, which to me seems ultra-hypocritical. Just saying. Neither, however, am I saying “get in a relationship!” What I’m trying to say is, if you’re in a relationship, work on your issues. Bring them to God, together. Work them out, become the strong bond that most couples only hope to achieve.

Going back to the whole divorce thing…it takes two to tango, as my dad always said. Even though he doesn’t tango. Or dance at all.
It takes two people to work on their issues, their problems, their worries, their concerns, their relationship. Why? Because a relationship between two people goes deeper than the skin, it goes deeper than emotions, and it goes deeper than the memories. What you create together is a bond between the spirits. When that bond is broken there is a great loss, because we were designed to be in a relationship. It’s not terribly complicated. People say “oh, I didn’t work out with him because our personalities were conflicting” or “she just didn’t have that spark that she once had, it was like she just didn’t make me feel good anymore”. I call bullshit! Conflicting personalities? What were you attracted to in the beginning? That spark? Of course that goes away a little after a while, it’s called being an imperfect human and dealing with each other’s shit!

Ok, I’ll get off the soap box now. But just so you know, the next time someone confides to you “I think I want to breakup with her/him” don’t take advantage of the situation like many lazy, slack-jawed idiots. Just remind them that they were created for a relationship, that working it out has a much greater outcome than running away, and that it’s truly a blessing to realize what they have before it’s too late.
And the congregation said amen.

~B