Snow, cold temperatures, and dish soap

Every year about March/April I grow sick of the cold and the snow. The snow piles up higher and higher. The ice become more dangerous as it undergoes multiple freeze-thaw cycles and transforms into the most deadly surface known to vehicles: black ice. If that weren’t enough, let’s throw in wind chills, subzero temps, and dry air, on top of everything else. As far as I’m concerned, Old Man Winter can shove a burning coal up his butt and thaw out, once and for all. That creepy, grumpy, old season. Every time I see his face I get sick to my stomach as a chill wind creeps up my back. Dang it, I guess that means I have to wear pants again.

It can be removed, melted, made into dish soap, I don’t care. I just want it gone! Of course I’m referring to the snow and the mountains of it in my driveway and my yard. I’m sick of white. Everything looks sterile, I want green! I long for the leaves blowing in the breeze, the warmth of the sun on my back, the absence of snow, being able to drive my motorcycle and not worry about the ice on the road, the list goes on and on. I wonder if I could
use snow to make dish soap….

Let’s talk about body parts, shall we? Namely, body parts that begin with the word “frozen” or even possibly “numb”. Often, during winter months, I wear a hat, thick socks, and also gloves from November all the way through April to reduce the chance of human contact. Hey, those cold fingers ain’t touching me! I’m cold enough the way it is. Sometimes winter feels like a game of Jeopardy, where the temperatures are made up and the days don’t matter.

Snow. Why do people think this stuff is so gosh darn cute? It’s a very dangerous form of water, when accumulated in large proportions and retained at permissible temperatures. Personally, I can’t stand the sight of anything that jeopardizes my life, such is the case of snow when driven upon. I propose a solution: turn all the snow into dish soap. Everyone needs dish soap, and what better way to deal with such a deadly force of winter than to melt it down and produce a usable product?

Ok, rant done.

~B

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